Meet the Herd
Moonlights as a comedian. His favorite joke is: “Wanna go on a picnic? … Alpaca Lunch.” The herd doesn’t laugh anymore.
Smokes cigars and watches Fox News on full volume.
Has never worked a day in her life. Loves salad. She can even, she just chooses not to.
Aspiring dental office receptionist. Goes to Zumba once a week, but complains the entire time.
Rosé all day. Her standards are high, just like her heels. A woman with ambition and a heart of gold.
You can find him at the neighborhood pool during all four seasons.
Server at the Cheesecake Factory. Always down for karaoke.
Proud supporter of Oreos and sweatpants. Never pays for her own drinks.
Would like to run for President, but is afraid the Secret Service would frown on him grazing on the White House lawn.
Proudly wears an alpaca sweater during the winter. It’s made from her ex-husband.
Falls asleep during every movie. Tries to use expired coupons. Not mad you lied to her, just disappointed.
Bites her nails. Has tried every coffee shop in the area. Puts too much salt on EVERYTHING.
Wishes Gallagher would just notice her for once. Rings in the new year with sparkling apple juice. Volunteers at the local zoo.
Quit cigarettes, but still bums them. Drives a Volvo. Likes to keep a shoe-free home.
Smacks her gum. Constantly complaining about her poorly done pedicure.
Arrives early for parties so he can try the dip before anyone else.
Dressed up as a lint brush for Halloween. It was easy. All he did was roll around in the hay.
Once lost a staring contest. She felt worse after she realized her opponent was a fence post.
The herd’s youth pastor. Got a “degree in life” after backpacking in Ecuador for a few weeks.
Only carries $100 bills and has a cane for literally no reason at all.
Collects beeswax chapstick. Hot yoga aficionado. Drinks a fig and flaxseed smoothie for breakfast every morning.
Wore Converse shoes to prom. Buys a 2 liter of creme soda at least once a week.
Rents the same beach house on the same weekend of every year for the same vacation.
Turned down the chance to be the first alpaca on the moon. She says it’s because she’s lactose intolerant.